When I wrote the post “Living Each Moment to the Fullest” after Sheba’s second cancer surgery, I pulled this quote from The Dog Cancer Survival Guide: “Imagine looking back at your life, five years from now, and having not a single regret. You can help your dog fight cancer and…..you can honor your dog’s life by living each moment to the fullest, starting now.”
I’ve had lingering regrets and guilt over the losses of most of our past dogs, some more than others. I imagine many of us do; it’s human nature to second guess ourselves and believe we could have done better in retrospect. It might be truer when our pets die young, whether from a tragic accident or an untimely disease like cancer. For me, that held true for our first three dogs; I had far less regrets when we lost our beagle Kobi simply to old age.
We made a tough decision after both of Sheba’s surgeries not to pursue further treatments, other than what we could do for her at home. We even briefly considered a third surgery when her lumps returned the second time, but decided against it. We were coming into her second summer of survival. After her first surgery, it was 10 months until her lumps returned. After her second it was only five. We did the math. We also wanted her to be able to enjoy her summer of swimming and playing, which would have been shortened if she’d been recovering from yet another surgery. In addition, the second surgery had been much more extensive than the first.
I want to take this opportunity to highly recommend The Dog Cancer Survival Guide if you have a dog diagnosed with cancer, just as friends did for me. You can read my full review by clicking here, but I can tell you that book covers every aspect of this awful disease; so no matter what route you choose for your dogs’ battle, there is help in there. That book helped me so much in being comfortable with the decisions we made for Sheba. The advice in it helped me to feel I was doing something for her, even though we passed on conventional treatments (other than the surgeries).
Grieving is difficult enough without the added weight of guilt. In Sheba’s case, for my hubby and me, that quote I shared above holds true and I know it will five years from now as well. We have no regrets; Sheba enjoyed her last two years even while fighting cancer. We let her go when it was time. We made the best choice we could each time; but there was no way to know then if it was truly right or not. You can’t know, at some point you have to just rely on faith.
That’s all any of us can do when faced with an illness with our pets; make the wisest choice you know how and hope and pray that it works out. I am so thankful for Sheba that it did; that she had a good quality of life for so long. That’s all our dogs would ask of us, to make the best decisions for their care as we are capable of.
Thank you to Brian’s Home for hosting the Thankful Thursday blog hop. Please visit them and other blogs through the links below.
I personally think you did an amazing job with Sheba. You care and consideration for her health, and her quality of life was truly inspiring. I pray that when the time comes for me to make those hard decisions, that I am as brave and thoughtful as you were. Hugs to you Jan, I know you miss her every day.
Thank you so much, Jodi. ♥
You took such good care of Sheba. I am sure she is grateful.
You are so right. Grieving is much worse when you have guilt attached to it too. I know from experience.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m glad your sweet goldie had the best last couple years of her life that was possible.
Thank you, Cathy. It’s so hard to let go of that guilt, isn’t it? Even many years later. It was such a relief for us to not have to deal with that with Sheba, and to have had so much longer than we expected with her.
It’s so hard not to second-guess and blame yourself after the loss of a pet. I went through that myself this last summer when I lost my newly adopted special-needs kitten after only a week. I knew when I adopted him that he probably didn’t have long (lots of congenital issues), and I know that I did everything I could have, but I still felt guilty, like I could have done more. It definitely makes the grieving worse. Anyway, I’m glad that you and Sheba were able to enjoy your last couple of years together, no regrets. It sounds like Sheba was one lucky dog to have such a loving family!
Thank you. We were so lucky to have her too, and her joy for life and how hard she fought was so inspiring.
I’m sorry for the loss of your kitten. It does not take long to get completely attached, does it? You did a good thing giving him a chance and a happy home, even if for a short time. I know we always think we could have done more though.
We share our lives with each other and also the trials and tribulations, and also deaths. Sharing regrets gives peeps the chance to rationalise things, and hopefully move on. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful post with us, in this Pert Blogger Showcase.
Thank you! The sharing truly does help us so much, and it’s so nice to have so many that care and are willing to listen.
Making decision is tough especially when it comes to your situation. You are so brave. Just never question yourself and put aside what others think. Hope all is well for you. Love, Annie.
Regret is a tough one. One I battle with despite being told by many not to. I’m glad that you don’t have to wrestle with that this time. What you gave Sheba was a beautiful life!
At some point, we have to determine our pet’s quality of life over quantity of life. When my springer, Kaylee had osteosarcoma, we decided not to do chemotherapy, which was costly and time-consuming, and let her live out her final days enjoying herself. We never expected her to survive 20 months after her back leg was amputated when the average survival time was only a few months. The power of love!
The power of love indeed. I think giving our dogs exactly what they need can go so much further than any conventional cancer treatments. Even if their time left ended up being short, at least it would be time enjoyed, not spent with doctor’s visits and side effects from treatments.
You did a beautiful job with Sheba – please know that. Your decisions were always with her best interest in mind.
I’ve followed along with your journey with Sheba’s cancer and I don’t think I would of did anything different than you did. I’m glad you don’t have any regrets as you shouldn’t you did everything you should of done and you lived her last days to the fullest and gave her the best life possible. She was blessed to be a member of your family. Hugs.
Beautifully said. I did the same with my K, who was taken by osteosarcoma at age 8. She taught me a lifetime’s worth of lessons and brought me so much joy in the 7 months between her diagnosis and death. I have absolutely no regrets, just like you with Sheba. Also, just like you and Sheba, I still miss her like crazy. I didn’t read the book you suggested – I should.
Amen, Jan, Amen to all that for sure. Love seeing the beautiful pics of Sheba too.
I’m so glad you were able to find that book! And I’m so glad that you have no regrets. Sheba was so loved and from all of the stories of the summer of Sheba, I know that she enjoyed every minute she had with you! I so enjoyed seeing these pictures of her again.
As hard as it may be, you have to put your own feelings aside and ask what would be best for your pet. We think you did right by Sheba. 🙂
Very well said.
I have regrets at the loss of all of my dogs and cats. It is never easy but you did such a wonderful job of allowing Sheba to enjoy her life to the fullest that I hope you never second guess yourself. ♥
Thank you. I think we always regret that we didn’t have just a bit more time, and wish there was something we could have done to get that.
We almost took Sheba back to the vet when her appetite really started to wane; but I had to remember I promised her no more stressful things. After I thought about it, I really knew it wouldn’t have made any difference anyway, and I only would have been doing it for myself.
Having no regrets or second thoughts is a tough task, but you did things right. It only matter how you and your pet feel, what others might think or feel is not important. Sheba was so loved and she knew it!
That is something we can always take comfort in. Thank you.
I think self-blame has another function … namely to help us feel like something that’s not in our control kind of is (ex. when Kitty was diagnosed with diabetes, I blamed giving her prednisone and the cheap food we’d been feeding her … both within my family’s control vs. just accepting that you can do everything right or at least good enough and still lose a baby to a random disease). The down-side is just as you described … blaming oneself complicates the grieving process and actually prolongs it. I think we’re more drawn to the self-blame to feel some measure of control when our pets are younger and we lose them so unexpectedly.
You should hold your head up high and be proud of the amazing life you gave to your beautiful girl. Despite the fear and sadness, you kept Sheba’s best interests as your guide. And in sharing your journey, you and Sheba demonstrated for all of us the true meaning of love and devotion.
That is a very, very good point, and I agree completely. We blamed food for our first dog Shelby’s cancer, and it was even in the back of my mind for Sheba (though we did much better when she was older). Admitting that some things are simply out of our control, and – completely random? Meant to be? – is very difficult. That’s actually the subject of a post I have yet to write, that I’m not sure I can.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words; they really do help. ♥
What a pleasure to read this post again! Thank you for linking up to the Showcase and being incredible friends 🙂
Sheba had the best parents. It’s never easy making the decision of what will be best for our furry “kids”. I sometimes think I could have done many things differently over the years, but I gave both Callie and Kissy all the love I possibly could from day one; and I gave took care of them the best way I knew how. Kissy lived a good, long life. And, really, 11 years isn’t bad for a Golden Retriever. I just wish she could have had more healthy years..So now she watches over her sisters, us, and her friends. ????❤
I love all these photos! Hugs and puppy kisses!!
I’m sure we could all have done some things in the past better, especially back when we first had dogs. But one thing I know we could not improve on was loving them. (and I speak for both of us, and all of those that read this blog because they wouldn’t be here otherwise).
I wish you could have had more years with Callie as well; but you are right that 11 is a good age for the breed. If only they could all live as long as Sugar, right? She is amazing at 15, I think, now?
These are all beautiful photos of Sheba. XO
now I’m crying but it’s from your comfort. I feel so much guilt about my poodle Cole’s fight with cancer. Vets didn’t give us hope for surgery and chemo being effective. He was 14 but so full of life. It was anal gland cancer and they can’t get margins. I feel so guilty especially about the last day… there is really no right time to have a doctor take your child is there? I am trying to release the guilt over decisions we made and mistakes we made. Thank you for this post. LeeAnna at not afraid of color
You are right about that, LeeAnna, there is no right time; all you can do is go with your gut feeling. Once we had the appointment set to let Sheba go, I still waffled back and forth during the hours of waiting for it. I don’t think you could ever be 100% sure, not ever, I don’t care what anyone says.
I’m glad this post gave you some comfort, I wish I could give you some more. I know the guilt from our past dogs, and I know it’s hard to let go of. But it doesn’t really serve any purpose, and it’s not what our dogs would want us to dwell on.
There’s always regrets when we lose a pet, I always think I made the decision too early but for Sheba it seemed to be the best. I haven’t mentioned this to anyone (oh I did Carol Bryant) yet but Taffy has been sick for several weeks. It started with a cough but when it didn’t get better she had x-rays and a test for a fungal infection. The x-rays are a bit scary and the vet mentioned some serious possibilities like lung cancer. Right now they think she’s improving and we’re keeping her on the steroids and antibiotics (3rd one). But, with even a possibility of cancer I know I would make the same decision you did and I’ll definitely get the book.
Oh no, I’m so sorry to hear that about Taffy! We will hope and pray that she continues to improve; and that there isn’t any cancer. Please keep us posted. ♥
Sheba knew how much she was loved. You did what was best for her, always, so don’t feel guilty for doing what your heart tells you is the right thing. Hugs from all of us.
What a lovely post. And living a life without regrets is what we should all be aiming for.
I heard a lecture from a hospice vet that I found as helpful and comforting as the cancer book you mentioned. She highlighted the fact that end-of-life decisions we make for our pets should be about strengthening our relationship. Every choice we make should have us asking, “what will this do for our relationship?”
And in a sense, that’s what we should be asking ourselves throughout our lives with our pets.
That is a perfect way to look at it, and a helpful guideline to follow.
Your love for her was a testament to her life. This post was a touching tribute and I think both of you were blessed to share your lives. ღ
It definitely worked both ways, and we learned from each other. ♥
What a touching post… You gave Sheba a great life filled with love, respect, and happiness.
Thank you. ♥
I cried while reading your post… but I agree with every word….
I know you felt this, and I hope you know that you did everything you could for Easy as well; and he knows it too. ♥