I knew that losing Sheba was going to change things in our home; but I wasn’t quite prepared for one way that loss was going to hit me. As I was putting together a Valentine’s card for our post that day, something struck me. I got the photos of Sam, Cricket, and Luke onto the card and suddenly took pause. Was that it – did I have everyone – only three photos?
In early 2005 we had a house full of pets – four dogs and four cats. Since that time the only addition to our family has been Luke in 2013. Our numbers have been dwindling and Sheba’s loss really accented that for me.
It is funny how things in life can come full circle. We haven’t been a two dog household since early 2004. Even then we had four cats. Circumstances change though; right now we have no intentions of adding to the indoors household.
I don’t keep it a secret that Luke has issues. He has a lot. Being down to a two dog household will give me more time to work with him, and I need that. Adding another dog or cat to the family would only create more work and take away from the time I need for him. I want to take more classes and work more with both him and Cricket.
Luke has jealousy issues along with everything else. He wants all the attention, and doesn’t like sharing it with his sister. Whether or not that means he would not accept a new family member, I don’t know, but I want to take my time to work with him more before we make that decision.
It’s not all on Luke though. There were times when we had four dogs that I knew it was too much for me. The truth is those dogs were not as well trained because I didn’t have a lot of time to train three young dogs at once. Cricket is now learning how old dogs learn new tricks (hopefully – she’s not as trainable as Luke, but we’re trying).
I also want to be able to focus on caring for both Cricket and Samantha as they age. As much as I always loved having the large household when we had it, that household was younger and had less needs too. Caring for Sheba this last year, especially her last few months, was stressful, and it was worse when both Cricket and Sam were having issues as well. I could use a break from quite so much stress.
Losing Sheba has changed the dynamics a bit but we’re still learning exactly how that is going to go. The transition right now is difficult, but I always try to stay optimistic. We’re still adjusting to life without Sheba and what that means. I also have hope that Luke will settle down as he gets older and things could always change. He has loved his sisters in spite of some issues, and it’s still an unknown about exactly how he feels about other dogs. When Cricket’s gone, will he be happy being an only dog, or will he be lost and lonely like Kobi was when we lost his sister Maggie? These are things I worry about, but only time will tell. In addition, I have high hopes for Cricket to live to a good old age so we don’t have to deal with that for a while.
Looking on that bright side, our decreasing family size is not all bad news. I can now more easily walk Luke and Cricket together. Cricket showed on our snowshoe walks that she can keep up with Luke no problem, right now anyway (something I worried about since walks were mostly individual until now). I’m learning that Luke is going to need more walks too, he just doesn’t play ball as intensely as Cricket does, and he needs more exercise. Without Sheba to play with in the evenings, he’s been very fidgety and whiny.
We have some other plans in the works that I think will occupy us as well and keep us happy, even though we won’t have as many indoor pets to care for. I’ve already mentioned that we plan to get chickens, and I’ll fill you in on the rest in another post!
Have you had changes in your household that have been difficult to deal with? How did you get through it?
Sounds like your guys are like all families, if they’re anything like me, there are times when I’m not 100% happy with certain members of the unit! LOL But in the end, we all come together and have deep loving affection for everyone. ❤︎
When Leo died, I was a real punk, I slid down the rabbit hole and stayed there until I felt I was ready to come out. I didn’t try to be “brave” I didn’t try to “fake it” I was emotionally lost and could have cared less about being found. Now – did that help me? Yep! I had to be Frank Sinatra – I had to do it “my way” That’s the best advice I can give you my dear, dear, friend. Your heart knows the best way to heal itself. Listen to it. I miss Sheba too, ever since we met through Pam Wester, I’ve felt a special bond with you and all your furry children. I and many others are here with you, always…
Thank you, Cathy, and I feel the same way about you and your family. ♥ I try to be brave at times, but there are also times when I just give in to the emotions and forget all about that bravery thing.
Oh yes, I think chickens will keep you busy.
Thank you for sharing your concerns with us, you have thought out the days ahead which is so good, you know your dogs and your life and when your ready and it is right you will add to your household.
I’m so glad that you’re able to get out for some family walks with Luke and Cricket! I’m sure that is helping all of you heal by making those happy memories together! And I completely understand wanting to have more time to work with Luke–I’d forgotten how much work adding a new dog to the family is (Foster Dog Sal was way too easy! He didn’t prepare me for Rye at all!). I’m not sure that Barley would have accepted Rye if we wouldn’t have had all of those years of working together first. Maybe having that extra one-on-one time with you will help Luke if you do ever decide to add a new dog to the family!
I can barely remember the last time we walked together as a whole family, and I think it’s going to turn out to be great for both Luke and Cricket to get that more. My hubby would get impatient with the tangled leashes and out of control walkers (and I, in turn, got impatient with HIM), and no one had any fun. I didn’t give him a choice this time, and it was definitely good for all of us. Plus I look forward to it being easier for me to walk the two of them on my own.
I think you are right that the one-on-one time might help Luke so that maybe, like Barley, he will be willing to accept another dog in the future.
We once had three Labs. It was unplanned but my brother needed someone to take his 10 yr old Lab so we added him to the family. We adored him but three dogs is a lot more than two dogs! I completely agree with you about that. I get tempted sometimes by dogs that need homes but then I realize how many “issues” Shyla has and that she needs a lot of our time and attention. That’s very parallel to your Luke situation. I think that it’s always most important to pay attention to the needs of the pets who are already part of your family.
As for Sheba, I’m so sorry. The hurt never really goes away but becomes a familiar part of you (in my experience). You have my deepest sympathy.
Thank you so much. No, I don’t think the hurt does go away – we just learn to live with it.
I totally agree with you that it’s most important to pay attention to the needs of your current pets. I think some people put their own wants first, and it doesn’t always turn out well. We thought long and hard before adding Luke to our family, and the reason we chose a puppy instead of adopting an older dog, was because we thought Cricket would be more comfortable with that. Thank goodness we turned out to be right; and Luke has helped to keep her young at heart too.
Such a hard adjustment. I’m tempted to get a third dog sooner than later, rather than feel the emptiness of a single-dog home at any point. The last couple of trips to the park, we’ve found playmates for Leo that Mia has seemed to enjoy too, which gives me hope. But I am afraid of Mia feeling territorial or jealous or hostile toward a new arrival. So it might be wiser to wait. My heart goes out to you. Losing our dogs is the worst.
Thank you, Kari. I think all pet lovers like us are always thinking about growing our households. But sometimes we have to make a more practical decision, and we definitely have to consider how it would affect the current family. On the one hand I think Luke might enjoy a playmate, but only at play time, not to share at home (and that’s an avenue we can hopefully pursue once we’ve worked more on his issues).
We have only had a max of 2 cats and 2 dogs, and that was enough. Even though I always say I want a 3rd, I know that Hailey, who like Luke has issues, needs more of my attention, so it wouldn’t be fair to her or the new dog. Besides, my brother in laws dog will be living with us for 2 months this year . . . . . . . She is a demanding handful and I will be reminded why we only have 2.
Each loss (2 cats and 2 dogs) has changed my life in ways I didn’t expect. As dogs followed the loss of dogs, it was different then the cats. When our cats died, new cats did not enter the house, nor will they for some time. That was a big adjustment. For over a year, I still saw them everywhere.
I remember when you lost your last cat; and how hard it was for you to face being a cat-less household. I dread that too; I’ve had cats almost my whole life. My sister went through the same thing; and they are still cat-less as well. They got a third dog (lucky they could) and I think maybe that was to try to fill that void.
From reading your post, it sounds like you’ve come to the conclusion that another dog may not be in the cards right now…and you have good reason for it. Sometimes, you gotta go with your gut.
Yes, you are right; and deep down I really do know that it’s the best decision.
I am so sorry about Sheba, it is so hard to lose a member of the family. We had 3 losses with our cats from 9/2015-4/2016 and the dynamics changed a lot with which kitty is the boss now.
Thank you, Ellen. Gosh, that had to have been so tough to lose so many that close together. 🙁
Up until now, we’d always had multiple cats, and we were very lucky that we never had any power struggles.
I sort of remember being a 2 cat household! It sounds like you are on the right track for everyone!
Your household is the opposite of ours….it keeps growing! That’s so great! ♥
There are times that I get puppy fever but I know two dogs is my limit right now. The expense is too much to add to the pack although I have plenty of love to spare. ☺
Sometimes it’s best to think with our brains, and ignore our hearts! 🙂
Such a good description of all the ways the loss of a family members affects you.
When Honey came to our home, I assumed we’d adopt another dog eventually. I hate the idea of losing one dog and having a quiet house. But living on a small boat, I’m glad we were too busy fostering to make room for another permanent dog.
I can’t imagine what it would take to live with 2 big dogs on a little boat.
I can’t imagine either! Sometimes things really do work out for the best, even if we don’t realize it at first.
OMG! You and I have such similar situations that it sometimes feels like we’re Siamese twins joined at…at what, our dogs’ brains? It’s uncanny at times.
I can relate so well to all you said. Though Callie left for the Rainbow Bridge nearly 18 months ago (Friday morning will be that actual “anniversary”), I still sometimes feel the loss like it was yesterday. And Ducky is my “problem child” – as you well know – with issues like Luke’s. She loves Shadow, but sometimes she is such a brat towards her. And poor Shadow has difficulty keeping up with her at times. But they look for each other when separated for whatever reason.
And going back to a 3-dog household? I can’t. Not financially, and not emotionally. And with the relationship between Ducky and Shadow being so unpredictable at times, I’m not willing to “upset the apple cart”.
We are definitely connected, that’s for sure! I think we’re both in a place where two dogs makes sense, especially when it comes to our “problem children”. I think we have enough to deal with right now, and we still have a lot to love!
Sounds like you’re handling things really well, even though I know it’s still difficult. We only have one dog at a time, so for us, when we lose a furry family member, it’s devastatingly quiet and the emptiness is overwhelming without that little personality, silliness, cuteness, etc. being here all day every day – especially since I work from home. On the other hand we don’t have to deal with the emotional loss being felt by a sibling pup still living in the house. But a friend of mine had 2 Shih Tzus and when the first one passed, the second went into a depression they couldn’t get her out of. That pretty much sealed the deal for me to have only one pup at a time! We did have 3 guinea pigs at once, but each had her own cage. Still, when the first one passed, the second kept looking for her, which broke my heart. I’m an uber-softie when it comes to animals and loss hits me hard.
It is difficult enough dealing with your own grief, but then seeing your pets grieving as well is heartbreaking. I’ve done it both ways – the emptiness of the house after losing a single, or watching the one left behind grieve. Both ways seemed the worst at the time.
That seems to be one good thing about having more than two – they seem to do better if they still have a sibling left when one passes. But that could just be the way my dogs have been too, and Cricket still did take Sheba’s loss hard at first, so that’s probably not the answer either.
Sending you (((hugs)))))) My step daughter had chickens and ended up getting rid of all of them…but….she had “designer” chickens and they all kept getting sick. She didn’t have traditional ones. Just be super careful with outdoor critters and the chickens too!
Thank you, Caren.
Our chickens will be for eggs, and we’re looking carefully at what breeds to get that will do well in our conditions. The outdoor critters will definitely be an issue, so we’re really going to have to look closely at how to keep them safe from them (we know that our neighbors lost all of theirs, I think to either bears or foxes).
We have only had one dog at a time, but we have had multiple cats. We had three cats until September when our oldest cat Elsie passed away. She had lots of issues and it definitely changes the dynamics when she passed.
I think it’s tough when we lose our older pets after dealing with many issues. On some level, we’re just a little relieved…but then of course we feel guilty for feeling that way! That’s how it was with our cat Conrad, how could it not be a relief to not have to clean up after him daily? Yet, on the other hand you realize you miss caring for them too, and the house is emptier without them.
I’m a little like Luke, it’s all mine… mymom, my toys, my food my shoes, my car, my tp-roll… it can be interesting to have chickens… we once gave this a try and two chickens and a rooster lived with us for many years… 3 weeks ago we lost the last one, the rooster… after nearly 10 years…
I’m looking forward to trying the chickens, but honestly, I have no idea what to expect! My hubby had some many years ago so at least he’ll be a bit more prepared. It should be fun though. I’m sorry you lost your rooster!
Mom had one dog for a long time, then she had two, back to one, and then two, and with Bailie three. After losing Katie, she thought two would be good, but we felt like we were always missing something. The plan was in about a year to think about a puppy, but then we heard about Madison’s litter coming last August and it was a sign to us that we should get a third. Three is a lot. A lot of time, effort, money, but also a lot of fun. Everyone needs to work with the number that works for them in the moment. Enjoy the time with two. It will seem like everything is so easy, and you have more time for everything too. If the time is right to add a third, you will know.
I think you are right….we always know when/if the time is right. When we first discussed adding Luke to the family, I was reluctant. But once I figured things out, I knew it was right and it turned out to be the best decision (in spite of his issues!). As tough as it seems to adjust to, I do think that two is right for us now. I feel like things are a little easier, but also that I still have plenty to keep us occupied.